so i had a very eventful day yesterday. i woke up at 530am and went to the natatorium to go for a swim with a friend of mine (not sure if i’m supposed to name names in blogs, so i’ll name everyone anonymous till i specifically get permission i guess).  the only time i’d ever been to an indoor pool was with my grandma, so i was assuming it was just a big pool, only inside. come to find out, it was actually a massive “pool” with about six “lanes” in which a bunch of old men were swimming laps in speedos. ugh. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable in my blue leopard-print, 2 piece, string bikini. no wonder she asked me whether i was wearing a 2 piece or a 1 piece before we walked in. as it turns out, anonymous is quite an experienced swimmer and just picked up a lifeguarding position here at the natatorium. she comes here to swim laps so she can stay in shape. that’s all jolly but i feel like a fat idiot now as this old guy stares me down from four lanes over, wondering what the crap i’m doing here. >.<

this is how i felt at the pool and the guy in the background is how i felt everyone was looking at me

of course i’m not fat, i’m exactly the right weight for my height (5’7″, 130 lbs) but the atmosphere at the natatorium somehow makes me feel like a fatty. maybe it’s all in my head. it probably is. still, that old guy was staring, and not one of those “ooh hot young chick in a bikini, yum” kind of stares. more like “dern hoodlums runnin’ around in bikinis, taking up lanes serious swimmers are sposed to be using. where’s your mum!” kind of stares. well i’m not one to lie down and take it. i’m going out and getting a 1 piece, and i’m going right back to the natatorium with anonymous and using that lane, and i’m gonna swim my fat little butt off. yes i said fat little butt.

******WARNING: the following 2 paragraphs are a mildly graphic, yet somewhat entertaining tale of my experience during a pap smear. nothing new for women, but men may find it a little…well…ew. if you don’t want to read, skip down 2 paragraphs. otherwise, be my guest. but you know that curiosity is just gonna get ya ******

so after swimming, i went home and got changed because i had a 130 doctors appointment for a screening for *deep movie preview voice* CERVICAL CANCER. DUH DUH DUUUUH. yes, that’s right. we’ve all seen the irritating commercials where that girl with the voice that makes you want to sniff and clear your throat, gets HPV which turns into cervical cancer, and for some reason decides that she got it from “an old boyfriend from college”? do WHAT? i guess, in college she slept with every living thing on 2 legs, but after college she remained celibate until marriage, and for some reason her husband couldn’t possibly have given her HPV… i know i’m a little critical of this retarded commercial, but come on–if they want us to take cervical cancer seriously, at least put a little thought into your story line.

so i’m thinking this is just going to be a regular pap smear, right? well, actually i’m thinking, why didn’t they test for this during my pap smear? and, “regular” and “pap smear” aren’t two things that go together in my brain. no pap smear is ever a normal experience for me. i mean, every woman knows that is just a terrible experience. i mean, really? it’s 2010 and there are still cold metal specula out there? i wonder why no one has thought of using, i dunno a rubber coated speculum or something so it’s a little less, um, PAINFUL!? yeah, they lubricate the thing, but it’s still at best hard plastic. and i’m always a trip with those poor doctors. during my first pap smear, the doctor tried to insert the speculum, kind of tilted her head, made a weird face and said, “um. you’re shaped weird.” thanks, mean lady. she then asked me to “grasp your hands together under your back, maybe that’ll even things out a bit”…still with a weird face. sigh. that’s a regular pap smear for me. this was not anything like a regular pap smear. this wasn’t just checking things out, making sure it looks and feels normal. well, normal for me. this was a “take that speculum and JAM it in there and scuh-raaaaaaape a big chunk of flesh out of there!” pap smear. it’s been over 24 hours and my cervix is still pissed and my uterus is having sympathy pains. good GRIEF. we can perform surgery on infants in the womb and we can’t put a numbing cream in before we scrape a cervix? fortunately i have a very supportive husband who allowed his hand to be crushed for like the fifth time at the doctors office this year. the poor thing knows he may not make it out alive but he still bravely goes on that suicide mission every time. i love you so much, boo. <3

yeah. that's how it feels.

so that was the second part of my day. we went straight from there to get me some food (lol) and then to the pet care center to get a kitten. I’ve been wanting a kitten so kiko can have a friend. she follows me all over the house and it’s kind of sad to see her playing all alone. i think she needs a friend, especially to keep her company when we’re not here. i know cats sleep a lot but she’ll be passed out somewhere when we leave and in the exact same spot when we come home six hours later. i really think that at least sometimes she just sleeps out of boredom. so we went to the pet care center to look at kittens. i’d heard two days earlier that they had a “crapload of kittens”. well a “crapload” turned out to be one litter and they were awaiting “test results” which wouldn’t be back for 2-3 weeks and we couldn’t even claim one. sigh. they were SO cute and those stupid ladies didn’t even let us take one out and hold it. gah. so i’m gonna keep checking back–like every day–until the results come in and then we’re taking one home with us. i’ve heard bad things about those ladies too. i don’t like em, no not one bit. arron says it’s cause i’m super critical, and maybe it is, but i don’t like people that keep poking sticks on hand to shove in at helpless kitties in cages. i’d like to shove a poking stick in her face and see if she doesn’t get mean.

well, as a p.s., go check out the Anna Ternheim video, i don’t know how, but i fixed it, and after a rather frustrating day, i think i’ll end on a relevant and positive note